This morning Scott and I recalled that we have been going through this recovering thing since November 30th. In a way, I had to take a step back and marvel at how really awful this whole accident experience has been and how far I have actually come (I tend to minimize things...for coping I guess). Seriously. An ambulance ride to the ER....where they cut off my clothing and climbing harness, hooked me up to a drip of dilaudid, and proceeded to put me through lots of uncomfortable tests and such. I felt like, well....a marionette. Intuitively, I knew that my pelvis was in bad shape because it wasn't connecting. Luckily the medical folks knew what they were doing and they kept me pretty doped up.
After all of the x-rays and CT scans, the verdict seemed a tad dire.... expressing that I should expect an 8-10 month recovery period, the resident orthopedic doc assured us of the competency of the orthopedic team and the brilliance of the orthopedic surgeon who would do my surgeries. However, he emphasized what a horrible break my ankle / leg was......and in my medicated state, I don't know if I fully caught the magnitude of what he was saying. (Scott did, because that was about when he passed out. [BTW, we did get a $398 bill for that from Froedtert.]) From what I remember, the doc mentioned that I'd suffered a vertical shear type of pelvic fracture, including two fractured pubic rami and fractured sacrum which would require surgery, and may or may not result in neurological complications. Then he went on to discuss the severity of my pilon ankle fracture and the potential related complications including: loss of range of motion, osteoarthritis, deformity, implant-related problems, soft-tissue complications including infection and nerve damage, and amputation. Naturally, that last potential complication raised my ire a bit, but I figured that it is the good doctor's job to spell out all worst-case scenarios to put them "on the table."
I seem to have been very lucky in the sense that my sacrum "fit" back together well and there appears to be no evident nerve damage. In addition, the doc was surgically able to retain the integrity of the "architecture" of my ankle . It seems pretty miraculous that he was able to pull together remnants of bone to re-create the ankle structure. With everything appearing to be going well, I did not anticipate a major setback.
Well....apparently the intense trauma of my fall created a great deal of swelling, which, while minimized by the staging of the ankle surgeries (3 weeks apart), continued nonetheless to create problems with the outer soft tissue healing...which is an issue because the bone will not heal unless the soft tissues surrounding it are healthy. SO...we were surprised last week to see a few patches of necrotic (dead) tissue along the suture line which unfortunately have spread. It was really gross (and scary) to see, and even scarier to talk about with the surgeon and physician assistant.
The upshot is the need for further surgery (Monday)......to remove the affected soft-tissues in the hope of regenerating healthy tissue. The good news is that there is good, vascular healthy tissue underneath. Best case scenario: The bad stuff is removed by a process called debridement, the area is washed and a vac is temporarily inserted to keep the area clean, and eventually skin is pulled up and stitched in place over the affected area. Next best case scenario: A skin graft would happen, in which a vascular tissue sample would be surgically removed from one bodily area (usually side or thigh) and is grafted over the affected tissue above the tibia. This would be a longer procedure, lasting 10-14 days. (It is important to clear the tissues of anything that might do damage to the tendons or the plating on the bone.) The truth of the matter is that, well, we need to do whatever we have to do....no matter how much it sucks.
I've always considered my legs to be one of my greatest assets. This experience is leading me to re-define that. It is leading me to re-define and re-think a lot.
So, how are the kids holding up? Today both of the kiddos had some challenging behaviors....lots of irritability and poor frustration tolerance. This morning Jade broke down crying, looking at me intently while muttering "I don't want you to go in the hospital again." I held her close and we cried together briefly.... I reassured her that I will be okay and that I will always be here for her, even if there are moments that I need to focus on my healing. I also told her how much I miss running and playing with her and Kai. (Boy was it hard not to let the dam open, but I managed to do okay).
Jade did mention that she has talked with the school guidance counselor twice since my accident. The last time she said that she told Mrs. B that she was afraid that I would go in the hospital and never come back. I reassured her again....(those old abandonment issues are always there) and she remarked that the best gift she can give is to do her best in school and not worry. (I put a little love note in her lunchbox for tomorrow. Shhhh ;)
Kai....well, quite honestly I have felt lucky to have the help of family (Scott, my folks and Scott's mom) and his ABA therapists to deal with him because frankly, my reserve is quite low. Folks have kindly suggested all along that I "let go" of feeling the need to constantly be there for his issues. I guess this has been my "shot in the arm" to do just that.
SO....tomorrow is a new day with lots of unknowns. I am thankful for all of the healing that has taken place and the support, prayers and positive energy folks have sent my way! This is a journey that I couldn't do alone. I just keep pluggin' away and have a sense of trust that things will be as they are meant to be.
Breathe....
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